100 Degree Weather Not About To Stop Always Beanie Guy
Portland’s first 2022 heatwave began in earnest this week, with temperatures predicted to reach the high double and potentially low triple digits throughout the Willamette Valley. The city has declared an extreme heat emergency and opened temporary cooling centers across town. Multnomah County libraries are extending their hours to provide more places for people to beat the heat and TriMet buses won’t charge riders who are headed to a place to get cold. One specific Portlander who is certainly not interested in self-refrigeration is line cook and Nob Hill resident Bruno Hutchinson.
“As a beanie sommelier and historian, believe me when I tell you, there is no better time to show off than during a heatwave,” remarked Hutchinson. “You see, in the winter everyone is wearing beanies, thus making it harder to stand out. Last year during the heat dome, I served looks all over town and it was incredible. On the 105 degree day I wore a beautiful American mohair beanie and I was the only show in town, or as we say in the community, ‘the only bean on the scene.’ On the record breaking 112 degree day, I wore a gorgeous ear flap piece – simply iconic. I did perhaps end up at urgent care with a minor heat stroke, but that was a mere speeding ticket on my way to the pantheon of beanie glory.”
While temperatures won’t dip into the 80s until next Monday at the earliest, it appears that Hutchinson is not alone in the city of roses. From flaming hot kitchens to sunny hikes to scorching sidewalks, the city’s hot weather beanie brigade is multiplying exponentially. “A lot of these 90 degree beanie folks are just posers, I’ve seen some really unoriginal work by them,” scoffed Hutchinson. “A neon Carhartt on the waterfront again, yawn. Talk to me when you’ve worn a vintage slouchy beanie in pioneer square on a 100 degree day when the AQI is over 200.“