With one week remaining until Election Day, More than 1.2 million Oregonians have already voted. Ballot boxes will be open until 8:00 next Tuesday, though today is the final day to safely mail in a ballot. Anybody who has a problem casting their vote or who made an error on their ballot is encouraged to contact the Oregon voter hotline.
On Monday night, a Multnomah County voter named Summer Walkman had such a problem.
“I mobbed to Belmont Street, ballot in hand, ready to make history,” Walkman recalled. “I had it all planned out. First, a selfie with my envelope and “vote” face mask while standing in front of the ballot box with the caption ‘voting is personal for me.’ Next, ten full minutes on Instagram Live of me doing Joe Biden-inspired spoken word poetry. You know, just vibin’ with democracy. Finally, the pièce de résistance. A glorious Boomerang of the moment I cast my ballot and thereby realized the right granted to me and so many other badass mega babe nasty women by the 19th amendment to the constitution of the good ole US of A.“
None of this plan materialized. Instead, disaster of Walkman’s own creation struck.
“I marched right up to the box, listening to Pod Save America, all fired up. I saw a tweet about Barrett’s SCOTUS confirmation and got so distracted I just yeeted my ballot right into the box without thinking. I was shook. All that hard work, all that progress, all those likes, impressions and potential sponsorship offers, out the window. The people of the world need to be inspired by my voice, my flaming Virgo spirit and my bravery. If I didn’t ’gram it, did it really even happen?”
At press time Walkman was on the phone with the Oregon voter hotline trying to get to the right department. She demanded her legally cast ballot be invalidated so that she could take and share selfies while she cast another identical ballot.