Local Woman Won’t Accept Website’s Cookies Until She Can Confirm They’re Gluten-Free

When Shelly Grover went online to shop for yoga pants, she didn’t anticipate having to confront a threat to her very livelihood. Before she could even start browsing the latest styles on Lululemon’s website, a popup informed her that she must first accept all of their cookies.⁣

Her heart dropped. “Accept cookies?!” She tried not to panic. “All of them? Oh gosh, I don’t think I can accept these until I’m positive they’re gluten-free, and I certainly need confirmation that they weren’t processed anywhere near other products that contain even a trace of wheat.”

Ms. Grover, who does not have celiac disease, felt her fear morph into ire. “Why the fuck don’t they have clearly marked gluten-free icons anywhere? Who is the manager of this website? I need them to double, no, triple check that Lululemon’s bakers are being inclusive to those of us with gluten sensitivities. I would hope that they use separate, uncontaminated computers to make gluten-free cookies.”

Friends of Shelly uniformly see her dietary restriction as a guise. “She can totally eat gluten,” her friend Tara insisted. “She has no problem downing a Taco Bell burrito when she’s drunk, but then she comes over for brunch with all these annoyingly nit-picky demands. If she just admitted that she’s trying to calories it would be a lot easier for me to meal plan in a healthy way. Instead I have to buy expensive frozen cornmeal crust for pizza night – which also has a ton of calories! It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t invite her.”

Ultimately, Grover accepted Lululemon’s cookies without reading any of the terms and conditions.⁣