Bernie Sanders Spends Holidays At Homeless Shelter Spreading The Christmas Schmear

Christmas Day offers candidates a rare respite from the stresses of the campaign trail. This opportunity for rest and recuperation was utterly lost on Bernie Sanders. The 78-year-old Brooklyn native arrived at a Bushwick shelter early Christmas morning armed with a truck filled with authentic russ and daughters New York boiled bagels and cream cheese.⁣⁣
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The Vermont Senator was fully in his element as he addressed a small group of staffers who joined him in spreading the Christmas schmear. “All right, listen up you mensches. We are starting a movement never before seen in this commercial kitchen. We will work tirelessly to make sure that the whole mishpocheh has something to nosh on, not just the 1%! Team One, you will be shlepping bagels from the toaster to the kitchen, where Team Two will do the actual spreading of our signature grassroots, chives, and onion schmear. Finally, Team Three will deliver the food to the people! Remember: we help kids first, then bubbes and zeydes and then everyone else.” At press time, Senator Sanders and his team had fed over a thousand people.⁣⁣⁣
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