Governor Kotek Renames Columbia River To ‘River Of Oregon’

Governor Kotek officially renamed the Columbia River to the River of Oregon by gubernatorial decree during an announcement at the state Capitol in Salem on Thursday morning.

“For thousands of years the River of Oregon and its tributaries have united the Northwest’s people, cultures and economies. Finally the mighty waterway will share its name with the great Beaver State! Bye bye Columbia River, hello River of Oregon,” Kotek said in a phone call with reporters.

Other politicians have spoken up in opposition. “The fact that Tina thinks she can unilaterally change the name of a piece of a shared geography is laughable,” said Washington Governor Bob Ferguson in a prepared statement. “The mighty Columbia flows mostly through Washington and British Columbia, what is she thinking? If the move was instead done in concert with other leaders and she wanted to change the name to one that the indigenous tribes, the Chinook, Yakama or Sinixt called it, then we can have a conversation. River of Oregon is nuts!”

At press time Kotek, as part of her “Oregon First” agenda, had successfully lobbied Google to change the name in their Maps app by threatening to levy huge tariffs on their data center in The Dalles, located deep in the River of Oregon Gorge.