Weird Flex But Okay: Beaverton Apparently Also Having Mayoral Race?

While investigating yesterday’s story on the race for mayor in Portland, The Scallion’s chief political reporter Sigfried Q. Beauregard III uncovered something bizarre happening in, of all places, Beaverton.

“I was looking at various local measures and down-ballot races, poking around for anything news-worthy,” said Beauregard III. “Suddenly I noticed the darnedest thing. Beaverton – yes, that Beaverton – is evidently having a mayoral race as well! I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or shake my head. All I can really say is, ‘weird flex but oooookay.’”

Over in the ‘Tron, incumbent (no, seriously, there’s an incumbent!) Denny Doyle is apparently trying to protect his seat from challenger Lacey Beaty. “It’s pretty adorable that Beaverton wants to have a mayoral race,” admitted Beauregard III. “Candidates are canvassing neighborhoods and seeking endorsements. They even made stickers – just like real politicians!”

We looked up the current mayor online and the top result was a Boston Red Sox pitcher from the 70s. This clearly means Mayor Doyle must be doing a really terrific job, or not, because who cares?

We can only speculate on the candidates’ policy goals, as obviously we weren’t going to read about them. Could they involve an ambitious plan to bring 25 additional car dealerships to Canyon Road by 2025? Perhaps there is a debate on whether to prioritize the construction of an In-N-Out or a new Nike campus. The Beaverton Transit Center might need another parking lot? Or Sunset High School’s football field could need new purple turf. Whatever the case, while we are very proud of Beaverton for playing grown up government, rest assured that we will certainly not be reporting on any of it.