Trojan Announces New Pee Pee PPE

As the federal government continues to sputter in response to an ever-worsening pandemic, businesses across the country are innovating and doing their own specialized part to fight COVID-19. The latest breakthrough for personal protective equipment (PPE) was announced Thursday morning by sexual health brand Trojan.⁣
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Their new Pee Pee PPE is made from the same synthetic polymer fiber used in N95 masks, with an added layer of ribbing and lubrication for everyone’s pleasure. ⁣
“Pee Pee PPE is a triumph of clinical science, textile production and modern ingenuity,” said company Senior VP of Condom Operations Alicia Holden. “It feels great and eliminates the spread of penile aerosol droplets that can carry the disease causing the novel coronavirus. It’s PPE…for your pee pee!“⁣
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Trojan is set to begin distributing Pee Pee PPE immediately to select healthcare professionals, and plans to roll out distribution en masse to retailers and local Hinge users across the country by the end of summer.⁣
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“We can’t wait for Americans to try our product but we do want to emphasize the current CDC recommendations,” noted Holden. “They unequivocally state that unless you live with your partner or have a quarantine mate with benefits, the safest way to have sex is still with yourself at home. And for that we encourage you to pick up Handjob Sanitizer, our collaboration with Purell.“⁣