Riot Ribs Declared ‘Flavortown Certified’ On Latest Episode Of ‘Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives’
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Protests have eclipsed the sixty day mark, and Portlanders’ relentless determination is making waves across the country. The Wall of Moms have rightfully captured the nation’s hearts, but a fearless crew is nearby every night, tirelessly keeping spirits high and bellies full. Riot Ribs plays an instrumental role downtown, and their efforts caught the attention of a certain celebrity chef who rolled into town to pay a visit.
“Portland’s food scene has always been the real deal,” said the Don of Donkey Sauce himself, Guy Fieri. “But these boss hogs are on another level. Forget those pretentious bloggers and insufferable foodies. Riot Ribs is making its name feeding houseless peeps and protesters alike, and I think that’s downright funkalicious.“
Riot Ribs began less than a month ago with a person and a grill, but has grown exponentially in the weeks since. The volunteer staffed, community funded operation has emerged as a 24/7 juggernaut in the middle of Lownsdale Square that feeds any Portlander with an appetite for justice and barbecue. Their meteoric growth has prompted a transfer of leadership to the trusted hands of Don’t Shoot PDX, as well as plans for a mobile operation aimed at nourishing protesters across the country.
“Normally on ‘Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives’, I really gotta step in to keep the eateries afloat,” explained Fieri. “But this joint keeps the party going despite getting repeatedly tear gassed, arrested, shot at and having their equipment destroyed by police and paramilitary goons. The tables have turned – they’ve taught me the true meaning of putting the shamalama in ding dong.“
The Mayor of Flavortown, whose affable, unifying presence contrasted starkly with the appearance of Ted Wheeler last week, was left with only one question: how did the food taste? The foreman of frosted tips answered in no uncertain terms.
“Feds go home, these smokey suckers fall off the bone! Boy howdy, best put it on a flip flop and send it down a light rail texture train blowing past fairless square straight to Flavortown. Riot Ribs is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs.“