Sealy Unveils ‘Oregon King’ Mattress With Polyamorous Couple Already In It
With 4th of July sales approaching, many Americans are looking to take advantage of savings to purchase a new mattress. With trendy new brands such as Saatva, Tuft & Needle, Helix and Zinus blanketing the airwaves with promises of superior quality and features, it can be hard for consumers to determine which plush pallet is right for them.
Bed behemoth Sealy has a bold new market offering that is poised to take the world by storm while also potentially ruffling a few feathers in the process. After the success of nontraditional sizes such as the “California King,” the “Olympic Queen’’ and the “Full XL”, they have unveiled a new offering set to hit stores next month, dubbed the “Oregon King.”
The avant-garde sized mattress boasts a tri blend of Sealy’s patented icomfort hybrid, hexclad gel memory foam and pillowtop air technology. In addition, all “ORK” beds come with a polyamorous couple rolled up and vacuum sealed in the box that the mattress is shipped in.
“We have been working on a product that includes an ethically non-monogamous couple, but due to technological restrictions and supply chain issues we haven’t been able to make the numbers work until now. Sealy now sells a plethora of different ‘Oregon King’ polycule mattress varieties,” said head of new product development Mateo Austin. “Customers can choose whether they want to customize their purchase with a triad, a vee, a parallel poly couple, or to upgrade with our premium foam core Reactex kitchen table poly-quad option. With any luck, skyrocketing sales will have the new Oregon motto reading, ‘she flies with her own kings.’“