PDX Announces Stop Signs To Become Even Smaller
Portland International Airport is a perennial powerhouse in airport rankings, and soon it’ll be even better. While ease of use, cleanliness, design and amenities are often cited as reasons why PDX is so beloved, there’s one feature that nearly everyone agrees could be improved upon: the little stop signs at the crosswalks of the arrivals concourse are still too big.
“The people spoke and we listened,” said Casey Stackhouse, Chief Transportation Officer at The Port of Portland. “They want the stop signs to be even cuter and tinier than they already are, and it is our duty as public servants to oblige them. We have hired the world’s best nanotechnologists and molecular general contractors to execute this project. After a nine month install period, the tiny signage will be ready, cementing PDX’s place as the greatest airport in the history of human civilization.”
“Even smaller? How do they do it? I for one am overjoyed at the news that they are figuring out a way to make my favorite part of PDX even better. They’re just so gosh darn cute,” remarked delighted traveler Santiago Roth. “Do you want to know why people went nuts for the PDX carpet? Because if you look at the design under a microscope, you can see millions of tiny stitched stop signs. It is my hope that we soon see similar sized signs at the crosswalks of other world-class places in Portland, like for the streets inside Powell’s City of Books, or on the road up to the Pittock Mansion. What a dream that would be.“
Travelers are told to expect slight delays at the airport beginning this week as demolition crews begin working with adorable little jackhammers taking down the existing infrastructure. When asked what the city would do with the retired signs, Stackhouse was emphatic. “They will go in a small jewelry box to be kept safely in commissioner Dan Ryan’s desk at city hall.“