Portlander Wearily Revives Sourdough Starter As Omicron Gets Residents Right Back On Their 2020 Bullshit

Omicron is surging across the country, hospitals are full to the gills, and local governments are reimposing restrictions on gathering. People are experiencing déjà vu, and many have found themselves diving back into old pandemic pastimes. ⁣
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“Sourdough is the quintessential regional food,” said Cully resident Lydia Wittle as she pulled a sticky mason jar from the depths of her fridge. “From Sicily to San Francisco, bakers cultivate their starter by utilizing their region’s unique, yeasty air. My country style loaves truly do taste like Portland.“⁣
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Wittle assessed her jar, its contents turned a sickly blue-gray. “Rufus, my starter, is a little worse for wear right now, as I’ve neglected him for the past eleven months. Sure, he’s discolored, no longer viscous and has a big layer of liquid hooch on top of him. But it’s not safe to go out right now, so I’ll just stay in and try to nurse him back to health. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the kitchen making disappointingly flat bread while stressing out over mountains of discard. Just like the good old days!” ⁣
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Portlanders have reverted to their old habits in other ways. Some are once again wiping down groceries and doing 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles, while others are watching “Good News” with John Krasinski while crocheting. Others still have picked scrapbooking back up and are binging “The Lord of The Rings Extended Edition” trilogy to pass the time until it’s safe to leave their homes.⁣
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Wittle is sticking to bread, just like her starter is sticking to every single thing it comes in contact with. “Becoming a sourdough baker is very appealing because the only ingredients you need are flour and water to make artisanal style loaves. Oh, also skill. And so much patience. And time. Lots and lots of time.”