Portlandia Statue Photographed Holding Hands With Pete Davidson

Portland’s most renowned femme fatale has speared a new suitor with her trident. Portlandia, the 36 year old copper repoussé statue and fiery temptress, has been spotted around the city with 27-year-old Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson. The two were photographed holding hands on a roller coaster at Oaks Park in Sellwood last week, and multiple sources close to Portlandia verify that the two have begun secretly dating while Davidson splits his time between New York City and Portland.. ⁣
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Davidson’s charming personality, sharp wit, uniquely set eyes, 6’3 slender frame and myriad of tattoos have helped him participate in relationships with some of Hollywood’s brightest stars. Ariana Grande, Cazzie David, Kaia Gerber, and Kate Beckinsale are among his exes. ⁣
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Portlandia boasts an equally celebrity studded, albeit more local, romantic history. From an 8 year relationship with the Pioneer Square Umbrella Man, to a steamy summer fling with the self-proclaimed “sexually omnivorous” Storm Large, to a messy Portland City Grill makeout session with Beverly Cleary, to a non-monogamous throuple with Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen, one thing is for certain: while she stands 35 feet tall, her romantic prowess stands even taller. ⁣
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“Whatever MGK and Megan Fox have is dogshit compared to Petelandia,” declared postal worker Carmina Thompson while waiting for the MAX in Gresham. “This is the only celebrity mega-couple featuring a tall, sickly, tatted white guy worth a damn. I ship them! Petelandia forever.“⁣
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Stumptown Scallion gossip columnist Sigfried Q. Beauregard III wrote that the sky’s the limit for this hot new couple. “Portlandia and Pete are the essence of sex. Portlandia and Pete are WAP. Portlandia and Pete are the Hump Film Festival.”