Reed Freshman Torn Between Majoring In Interpretive Flute Or Intersectional Vegan Calligraphy

As Portland’s premier liberal-arts college continues its phased return of students to campus, the time has come to get serious about schoolwork. Not only does that mean focusing on studying hard and getting good grades, but for young freshman and sophomores, it means selecting a major that is important, but also meaningful – something that will make a ??????????. ⁣
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19-year-old Parker Walder-Harvey is in the process of figuring that out for himself. “I’ve narrowed it down to the two things that I’ve really enjoyed learning about most in the past four months,” the Berkeley native explained while lounging on the Great Lawn. “Sure, interpretive flute would give me the ability to deeply, ?????? move people. But is there really anything more important in the world right now than intersectional vegan calligraphy? How could I not take that opportunity?” ⁣
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“Choosing a major at this point in a young person’s journey is very important,” said Reed president Audrey Bilger. “If students are going to get the most out of their $75,671 annual cost of attendance, picking a good major is highly prudent. We offer a variety of courses you may not be able to find anywhere else.any will set students up well for a suicidally boring 8-year PhD program. At the very least, most will prepare them to completely switch gears and apply to law school at the age of 27 after deciding that they do in fact care about money and status. Either way, the critical thinking skills developed at Reed will help our alumni navigate and perhaps even overcome their quarter-life crisis.” ⁣