Woke Bro Uses Gender-Neutral Bathroom To Rail Blow

Progress Ridge resident and casual dabbler in the elicit party arts Sylvester Izzo prides himself on his social consciousness. The self-proclaimed global citizen found himself at a proverbial fork in the road Tuesday evening while at his favorite bar. Tasked with a choice of which bathroom to saunter into for some booger sugar, the activist mindset took over.⁣
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“When Ally Daddy Sylvester needs to snoot some forbidden snow, I always go with the most progressive choice of venue,” Izzo boasted. “I normally try to drink nose beers off of either a BLM sign in a community garden or a Lena Dunham book at a Montessori school. I haven’t partaken in the devil’s dandruff in a non LEED certified building since Obama’s first term.“⁣
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Izzo surveyed his options. “Here we have a classic case of bathroom selection for my mucus membrane jamboree. I could go with the regressive cisgendered ‘male’ restroom that stinks of socially liberal but fiscally conservative filth, or I could rail my razzmatazz in the euphoric glow of the nonbinary sanctuary that is the gender-neutral restroom. Easy choice – If you need me I’ll be getting my beak wet in the washroom of progress. It’s like a tiny apartment in there!” ⁣
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As he rolled up a page of The Communist Manifesto, Izzo stopped in his tracks. The gender-neutral bathroom was also the only ADA-accessible option. Torn between his vowed antiablism and antibinary ideals and wanting to meet back up with the rest of his ethically non-monogamous thruple, he acted decisively. After heading into the solo water closet, he reappeared moments later with noticeably more dopamine and a long list of ingenious sustainable business models to tell anyone who would listen.