Ted Wheeler As Surprised As Anyone That 47% Of Voters Still Like Him

Unrest colored the months leading up to Portland’s mayoral election. Citywide protests that continue to this day threw incumbent Ted Wheeler’s reelection chances into doubt, as thousands marched in solidarity with racial justice and in opposition to police brutality. Chants of “fuck Ted Wheeler” became commonplace, and support became increasingly evident for both his runoff challenger Sarah Iannarone and for writing in activist Teressa Raiford. Ultimately, Ted Wheeler won reelection, despite failing to capture a majority of the vote. The Scallion’s senior political correspondent Sigfried Q. Beauregard III was listening in on a Zoom call and witnessed the moment Wheeler learned some people actually like him.⁣
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“Wow, I can’t believe there’s 163,000 people in Portland who still like me” remarked Wheeler. “For the past 5 months they’ve been calling me ‘Tear Gas Teddy’. Welp, today I’m the one who’s shedding tears – tears of joy for being able to still have a career in politics. Thank you Portland for believing in me, even when I was beginning to not believe in myself, I can’t promise that I won’t let you down! Go Blazers.”⁣