Man Using Face Shield Instead Of Mask Genuinely Thinks He’s Not An Asshole
As Kessler emphatically stated his beliefs, tiny aerosol droplets ricocheted off the curved plastic in every direction.
Autumn is well underway in Portland! Leaves are changing colors, days are getting shorter, nights are getting colder, and in true spooky season fashion, coronavirus cases have risen to record levels statewide. There is widespread consensus that along with social distancing, wearing a face mask is the single most important step toward containing the virus.
“Safety first,” said Clackamas resident Gilbert Kessler, dutifully donning his trusty plastic face shield before entering his neighborhood Fred Meyer. “I always wear this to protect myself and others. Wear a shield and save lives!” As Kessler emphatically stated his beliefs, tiny aerosol droplets ricocheted off the curved plastic in every direction.
Kessler noticed concerned shoppers keeping extra distance from him as he navigated the aisles. He smiled. “I get that a lot – people give me tons of space because they can tell how serious I am about coronavirus. Even in outdoor settings like the Farmers Market everyone respectfully steers clear of me. I don’t understand why some folks refuse to wear anything. The ‘personal freedoms’ argument is selfish, counterproductive and honestly just makes you look ridiculous – a thing I would know nothing about.”
When asked why he didn’t wear a well-fitting cloth mask like the CDC recommends, Kessler said it was a matter of preference. “I think it just comes down to personal choice. It’s like when you go swimming, some people wear goggles, and some people wear glasses. Plus I recently got my adult braces off. If there’s a 100% safe and effective way to flatten the curve and show off these pearly choppers and my emotive facial expressions, well then that’s what we in the business call a win-win.”