BUSTED! Man Walked In On Touching His Face

St. John’s resident Horatio Oliver got goosebumps when he heard the latch on the front door click. His girlfriend Charlotte was off for a mid-afternoon walk, and he had a precious half-hour alone. He wasted no time drawing the shades, lighting a candle, throwing on some Marvin Gaye and applying a generous coating of lotion to his hands. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. The lavender candle smelled intoxicating. ⁣
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As he cozied up in his chair, his senses heightened. He teased himself. His hands itsy bitsy spidered their way up his shirt. What part would he touch first? The tantric tension tantalized him. He knew it was forbidden, but he also knew that something so wrong sometimes felt the most right. As his eyes closed he moved his hands slowly but directly. He started to see vivid colors and let out an audible moan in anticipation of laying his fingers where they longed to go. Just as he reached out to give his nose a gentle, yet stern ‘boop’, a Birkenstock whacked him in the shoulder, sending him crashing to the floor.⁣
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“I forget my AirPods and I come home to see this!” Charlotte was standing over him, fuming. “You are such a naughty boy. What would Dr. Fauci say? WHAT WOULD HE SAY? I can’t believe I’m dating such an idiot. Do you understand how important it is that we flatten the curve? Don’t. Touch. Your. Face! Now march your ass down to the driveway. I’m going to hose you off while I sing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice so the whole neighborhood can see what a dirty, dirty man you are.“⁣