Local Bachelor Has No Idea How To Hold His Cousin’s Baby

“You see, you have to support the ankles, because they’re not fully developed yet,” asserted 30-year-old bachelor Bobby Costa, eyes wide with the uncertainty of someone who has never held a baby before. “I think. Or is it the elbows. Shit. Honestly none of this baby looks fully developed to me. Or does it? Don’t mess this up, everyone is looking at you. Just don’t drop it. Oh my God, don’t drop it. Not it, he. He’s your cousin. Wait, shit, it hasn’t told us its’ gender pronoun yet. What’s your name again, lil’ buddy? Garibaldi? That sounds right. Cool, okay this feels comfortable. Why are you looking at me like this? Everything is fine. Uh-oh, Garibaldi is crying. Now how do I burp you?“⁣⁣
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As of press time, Costa had returned two-month-old Glen to his cousin’s arms, and was seen looking up vasectomy clinics in the Portland area.⁣⁣