“CHA-LU-PA!” Chants Man At First Blazers Game Since Waking Up From Seven Year Coma

After being sidelined for over six years following a car crash in 2013, Calvin Porter was ecstatic to attend his first post-coma Portland Trail Blazers game. “This is awesome,” beamed the 33-year-old on his way to the stadium. “I can’t wait to get to the Rose Quarter and grab a pint of locally-owned 10 Barrel beer. Hey can you turn on the pregame show? I want to hear what wacky stuff Mike Rice has to say!“⁣⁣
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Porter’s euphoric anticipation was mixed with a twinge of confusion once they arrived. “Wait, what’s Moda Health? Is that like a temporary sponsor?” He shrugged it off as he walked in and greeted with a sea of red, white and black jerseys. “Rip City baby! I just know my boy Batum is gonna go off tonight.” He tapped his wrist with his index finger excitedly. “Nicolas Tiiiime!“⁣⁣
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Late in the fourth quarter, with the Blazers up 98-90 over the Minnesota Timberwolves, Porter’s instincts took over. He stood up, took a deep breath, and roared the war chant he remembered so well. “CHA-LU-PA! CHA-LU-PA!” Explaining to Porter that Taco Bell’s free Chalupa promotion was long since terminated was rendered moot by @damianlillard. The game was in hand and the superstar allowed the clock to expire without his team scoring another bucket. Porter was having none of it. “Aw c’mon! Give the people their Chalupas! What a bummer. Thanks, Obama.“⁣⁣