Sweaty, Grass-Stained Senators Return To Impeachment Trial After Thirty Minute Recess

With President Trump’s grueling impeachment trial often going late into the night, occasional 30 minute recesses have given our nation’s senators a much needed chance get outside and play. When the recess bell rings, most of them take off running to the Congressional Playground to make the most of their limited break. A half-hour later, the bell rings again, signaling the end of recess. They shuffle back towards the Capitol, sweaty, disheveled and often muddy, led in a single file line by Chief Justice John Roberts.⁣
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The sprawling playground offers the senators a wide range of activities. Some, like New Jersey Democrat Cory Booker, make a beeline for the four square court. ⁣
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“I always try really, really hard so that Bernie and Elizabeth think I’d be a good running mate,” the former Stanford football star explained. ⁣
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Senators Sanders and Warren usually skip the games, opting instead to play doctor, where their stuffed animal patients are guaranteed universal health care. Elsewhere, Kirsten Gillibrand, widely known to always get packed the best impeachment lunches, trades her Fruit Roll-Ups and Cheetos for favorable votes in upcoming legislation.⁣
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Not everyone spends recess socializing, however. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell mostly sits by himself with a magnifying glass, frying ants. One time it appeared he was going to join a soccer game, but instead grabbed the ball and punctured it with a pair of scissors, preventing anyone from being able to play.⁣
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Emotions often run high, especially with the bitter partisanship on display during the trial. Fights and name-calling are regular occurrences.⁣
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“Chief Justiiiiiice,” whined Senator Ted Cruz, R-TX, tugging on Roberts’ robe following their most recent recess. “Kamala called me a doo-doo head.“⁣
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“You ??? a doo-doo head,” snapped the Chief Justice. “Now get back in line. And stop covering your ears and saying ‘la-la-la’ every time Adam Schiff speaks.“⁣