Vet Unsure What’s Wrong With Your Dog, But Positive It’ll Cost $950

First of all, we’re so glad that you brought your sweet furbaby in today. You made the right decision to prioritize her health and consider the potential maladies that could be impacting her at this very moment.

After a preliminary screening of Biscuit we have been able to rule out a few ailments, but I’m afraid that’s where our certainty ends. To get a more holistic sense of the picture in regards to her health, it is the opinion of our clinic that we follow a few leads and investigate a plethora of possible avenues of discovery. The more facts we have, the sooner we can get your pup back to chasing squirrels and playing fetch!

Our recommendation would be that we start with taking a few swabs from her paws and culture the live bacteria in our lab. Additionally we should get a sample of her urine and run a panel on it and perhaps run one on her feces as well. While we’re already doing that we might as well check her skin for allergens, her tongue for signs of oral inflammation, her fluffy ears for signs of sensorineural hearing loss and her eyes for early signs of glaucoma.

While at this time we can’t rule much out, we can, with absolute certainty, rule out your bill totaling anything less than $950. While the tests we would run may bring us closer to the answer as to why you brought your dog in today, we also must prepare for the possibility that it will further obfuscate the reason that Biscuit is feeling discomfort. I am so sorry, but your fancy pet insurance will actually not be able to cover this primary preliminary clinic care visit. However, we do accept some major credit cards, and as of this week, Apple Pay!

Depending on our findings we will want to move forward with a regime of aggressive tactics. We might put her on a steroid, or use advanced chemotherapy, perhaps arthroscopic surgery or a change from kibble to fancy food packs that you have to keep in your fridge. It’s too early to tell at this point, but before we can even get to treatment options, we first need the $950.