Beer Snob Holding Out For Oak Barrel Aged Vaccine

Vaccine production and distribution has ramped up significantly, and each day millions of adults across the country receive one of three pokes in the arm. Pfizer, Moderna, and Johnson & Johnson have all proven to be highly effective at preventing severe illness from Covid-19, yet some remain dubious. White evangelicals have emerged as one of the most hesitant demographic groups in America to get a shot, with many expressing that it’s not up to them to supersede God’s will. While white evangelical skepticism is certainly a barrier in the way of eventual herd immunity, this story concerns Belmont beer snob Felix Oberlin – a vocal atheist who has entirely different reasons for waiting.

“Normal people see Pfizer, Moderna and J&J. I see Bud, Coors and Miller,” Oberlin sneered while swirling a goblet of Great Notion sour ale that smelled strongly of blueberries. “I want the pandemic over as much as everyone, and those evangelicals are nuts. But I’m holding out until someone releases a bourbon barrel aged imperial version. This is a big deal and drinking swill goes against my religion, if you catch my metaphor.”

Oberlin claimed to not be otherwise picky. “There are some world class breweries around here. If Pfizer and Pfriem collaborated on a French oak barrel aged saison, perhaps with raspberry purée, I’d be first in line. They could call it Pfriezer! Or hell, at this point I’d even settle for a pint of Moderna/Modern Times hazy mRNA. Honestly, I just want to go back to the bars soon. I really miss being able to look down upon total strangers who order Blue Moon.”