Burning Man Cancellation Means World’s Problems Can’t Be Solved This Year

Were it not for COVID-19, people from all over the world would currently be deep in the Nevada desert at Burning Man, discovering themselves while solving all of the world’s problems. Despite a greater-than-ever need for such a Deus ex Machina event, the festival has been cancelled, leaving many attendees and organizers concerned about the ripple effect that decision may cause.⁣
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“Burning Man draws at least 80,000 people every year,” explained CEO Marian Goodel. “These people are able to achieve universal understanding and bring back key learnings to their families, communities, and tech startups. Tragically, this year we’ll have 80,000 people out there in the world who just…don’t get it.“⁣
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“I was devastated by the news,” said Shania Lederman-Jackson, a 26-year-old content creator with a passion for the outdoors, yoga, and self-development. “Everyone at the Burn wears a mask anyways to prevent the alkaline dust from ripping their lungs apart, so I thought maybe it could still happen. Burning Man is the entire source of my personality and the primary outlet for displaying my sense of self-righteousness, so now I’ll just have to increase my time spent criticizing other white people on Instagram.“⁣
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A digital experience has taken the place of the normal festival, and 68-year-old Burning Man veteran Stardust Johnson put his concerns bluntly: “The Zoom orgy dome is simply not a substitute for the real thing.”