Scientists Drilling Into Lloyd Center Ice Rink Find Evidence Of Time When Humans Once Shopped There

A team of researchers with the U.S. Ice Drilling Program made a startling discovery while conducting routine testing at Lloyd Center’s ice rink that could reshape the way we see the long abandoned Northeast Portland mall. The samples they collected contained levels of Wetzel’s Pretzels above the normal threshold, leading the team to believe that the humans may once have consumed the braided dough snack there.
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“We’re still a long way from being able to confirm that human life once existed inside this 1.4 million square foot urban center,” clarified team lead Blaise Stephanus. “The traces of pretzel don’t necessarily confirm anything, but it does present a powerful argument when you factor in the Meier & Frank receipt we uncovered while drilling here in 2017.”