Inclusivity Win! Man Loses Life Savings Betting On WNBA

Sports betting has become ubiquitous in recent years. The laws prohibiting it have been repealed and the number of platforms and apps that facilitate the practice have exploded. 22% of all Americans and half of men 18-49 have at least one active online sports betting account. Fans can bet on all types of professional and college sports players and games, often stringing a series of bets together, called a parlay. While some find it a fun way to accent their sports watching experiences, others fall into a crippling gambling addiction.

Outside The Sports Bra in Northeast Portland, Chad Palin watched a WNBA game through the window while he chain smoked cigarettes and screamed at the TV. “I love women’s sports! A generation of little girls are inspired by this current crop of amazing athletes that are great role models. However, right now I also hate women’s sports! Paige Bueckers, I need you to make four three pointers and get three steals in the final 20 seconds, otherwise I’m ruined.”

After losing tens of thousands of dollars betting with friends on the most recent NBA and MLB seasons, Palin had a plan to win it all back while standing up for his progressive values. Unfortunately his eight leg parlay fell apart in front of his eyes as three of the legs, which he assured us were “locks”, didn’t come to fruition. Now depressed and in massive debt, he only has one wish.

“I just hope I can finish bankruptcy declaration proceedings in time to get season tickets to the Portland Fire. They have a deal with Draft Queens that will give me $300 of free money when I place my first $5 bet. Then I’ll be a real ally.”