Sam Adams Confident Gaetz Withdrawal Must Mean He Must Be Next In Line For Attorney General

Former United States Representative Matt Gaetz, tapped by President-elect Donald J. Trump to be the next Attorney General, withdrew his name from contention this morning amid swirling accusations of sexual misconduct and concerns over his lack of qualifications. Following the news, Portland’s own disgraced former mayor Sam Adams’ team quickly sprung into action.⁣
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“It is obvious that Mr. Adams is on the shortlist for AG. He has been on the phone all morning shoring up support from Senate Republicans ,” said Adams spokesperson Amber Rae. “Sam is uniquely positioned for this illustrious position as he shares many of the same attributes that drew Mr. Trump to Mr. Gaetz. He stands out due to his lack of legal experience, horrible reputation among past government colleagues, and his own sexual misconduct with a 17 year old.“⁣
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It remains to be seen whether Mr. Trump’s cabinet nominees will be able to get senate confirmation. His allies have floated the idea of using recess appointments to bypass the traditional approval process, which some constitutional lawyers argue is dubious. However, Sam Adams had a different take when reached for comment, arguing that the process by which he may be appointed would be “barely legal.”