Portland 7 Day Forecast: Partly Cloudy With Chance Of Hail, Wildfire Smoke, Locusts, Freezing Rain, Heat Advisory

Spring has truly sprung in Portland, and with it has brought weather patterns that have kept residents and meteorologists alike on their toes. ⁣
⁣
“I’ve lived in Portland for 27 years,” said Eastmoreland farrier Kimberly Donan. “I’m used to Portland’s weather being unpredictable, but 2022 has been completely unhinged. Yesterday was warm and clear. I opened the sunroof of my PT Cruiser and was immediately pelted with golf ball sized hail falling from a completely blue sky. I demand an explanation!” ⁣
⁣
Experts contend that the Willamette Valley’s climate phenomena make perfect sense. “It’s easily explainable when you consider basic barometric patterns,” remarked professor of meteorology at Portland State University, Chloe Jimenez. “We simply have a low pressure flow coming from the South that is merging with a La Niña system causing record high temperatures and majestic rainbows, not to mention the first time the city has seen inches of snow in April in recorded history. When you take into account humidity and altitude, it makes total sense that the metro area will continue to experience precipitation in the form of hail, meatballs, and fidget spinners falling from cumulonimbus clouds. Atmospheric force will certainly cause disastrous forest fires and landslides this weekend, but that also means the cherry blossoms will bloom again next week. If we’re lucky and the lunar orbit lines up just right, we may even get a plague of locusts, just in time for Passover!“⁣
⁣
Jimenez urged Portlanders to carry specific essentials in order to be prepared for the upcoming weather. “Sunscreen, chopsticks, a Pendleton blanket, several soccer balls, an umbrella, a fur lined parka, and steel cut oats are absolute musts. Furthermore, I’d strongly urge all Portlanders to keep handy lip balm, capris, wool socks, a backup umbrella, a life jacket, blue blocking glasses and pickled red onions. Critically, under no circumstances should anyone wear a Portland Gear hat.”