Local Dogs Relieved Fourth Of July Fireworks Are Cancelled

From the Dobermans of Dunthorpe to the Shetlands of St. Johns, Portland metro area’s dogs let out a sigh of relief this morning upon receiving confirmation that Saturday’s 4th of July fireworks are cancelled. ⁣
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“With the collective anxiety that we are all feeling in these unprecedented times, it is a small comfort that we won’t be subjected to the terrifying booms of obnoxious fireworks displays,” said Broccolini, a three-year-old local rescue shepherd mix. “I didn’t get my hopes up when coronavirus neutered the annual Waterfront Blues Festival. I even made plans with some friends to eat CBD jerky bites and listen to Pink Floyd really loud in the basement.” ⁣
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Other Portland pups seemed more tentative. “The big show is cancelled, sure,” barked Romi the Rottweiler concernedly. “But what makes everyone so certain that the neighbors won’t go all aggro? Last year they lit off bottle rockets that sounded like a thousand ringing doorbells. Mad triggering, to be honest. I’m not saying that I’ll get so scared I pee on the sofa, but I’m not ruling it out either.“⁣
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With the threat of fireworks largely diminished, area dogs are reportedly shifting their thoughts to more pressing issues, such as how to get their paws on this weekend’s burgers.⁣