Nature Is Healing: Hoards Of Sasquatch Return As Lockdown Continues In Portland

The coronavirus crisis has changed the rhythms of urban life, with social distancing measures leaving once densely populated cities around the world now largely human-free. This has emboldened many animals – especially that typically avoid all human contact – to explore. Around the globe, people have documented deer, raccoons, turkeys, and even elephants frolicking through metro centers. The Pacific Northwest is now witnessing perhaps the most surprising example of this behavior.⁣
⁣
With humans out of sight, the ever-elusive Sasquatch has been seen occupying areas of central Portland in record numbers. Those who know Sasquatch behavior recognize that this is truly a miraculous event. “Sasquatches never, ever enter urban areas,” remarked our senior Sasquatch correspondent Sigfried Q. Beauregard III. “There are only a few blurry, dubious pictures taken deep in the wilderness because they try at all costs to avoid human contact.” ⁣
⁣
This event has also confirmed that there is more than one Sasquatch. No fewer than five were seen Friday morning at Pioneer Courthouse Square alone, including one Sasquatchling and its mother. “We believe that pressure from humans has caused them to stay shy away from intimacy,” said Beauregard III. “Now, with humans finally gone they have the space they need to breed. Perhaps this return of the natural world is a message to us all. Without humans these rare, majestic creatures get to be free to enjoy this earthly kingdom that belongs to all living creatures.“⁣