Friend Who Studied Abroad Insists On Maintaining Two Metres Of Distance
Social distancing has entrenched itself in the forefront of society. Responsible and able Americans are staying home and maintaining six feet of space when the urgent need to leave arises. However, not everyone is happy about this six foot guideline. Your friend who studied abroad is an especially vocal critic. Her reasoning, while not nefarious, is really, really annoying.
“I’m all for social distancing,” said 31-year-old Pearl District resident Danielle Mays, who studied abroad in Marseille, France for a semester nearly eleven years ago. “I just think maintaining six feet is dumb.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Two meters just makes so much more sense, you know? Ever since studying abroad I’ve come to realize how much better the metric system is. I wish everyone here would stop using inches and feet.“
With an increasing number of restaurants and cafes closed, Mays lamented the loss of her favorite morning routine. “Ever since studying abroad, a thing which, by the way, I did in a little place called France, I absolutely need my morning espresso. But now that all the cafés within two kilometers – oh sorry, I mean a little over a mile – of my apartment are closed, I’ve been stuck using instant coffee. I have a French press, but honestly I have no idea how to use it.“
Mays also expressed dismay over the many bars and clubs that have shuttered their doors. “My heart goes out to the poor European discotheques, which I often frequented until dawn while studying abroad. They have that certain ?? ?? ???? ???? which just doesn’t really exist in the states, you know?“
With hospitals becoming increasingly overrun with patients, Mays was quick to point out the flaws in the American healthcare system. “This mess would have been completely avoided if we just had a system more like Europe’s,” she insisted. “One time while studying abroad I got a fever of nearly 39 degrees and went to the nearest hospital. I was in and out in no time with medicine, and I didn’t pay a dime.” Mays plans on voting for Joe Biden in Oregon’s upcoming primary.