Local Aunt Still Thinks Jake’s Best Restaurant In Portland
Portland has become a hotbed for culinary talent, with an ever-growing community of world-class chefs cooking up inspired and innovative cuisine. The city is home to hundreds of highly acclaimed brick and mortar restaurants, foot carts, pop-ups and supper clubs, and local aunt Rosemary Pimsworth will have none of it.
In her humble opinion the best restaurant in Portland is, always has been, and always will be Jake’s Famous Crawfish. “How can you improve upon perfection?” effused the 68-year-old aunt. “They have everything. Regal service. Nonthreatening green carpet. After dinner mints. Meticulously portioned mashed potatoes. Calamari that makes you say, ‘I’m just the right amount of adventurous.’ Oh, and when it’s razor clam season? Shut it the frick down.”
Pimsworth, or “Aunt Roz” as she’s known to her family, spoke with pride about how Jake’s has been a stalwart of downtown Portland for more than a century. “My grandfather used to take us here on special occasions. We would get all dressed up.” She looked around the restaurant and a vein in her forehead bulged dramatically at the sight of a diner wearing jeans. “Some people truly have no sense of shame.“
When asked if she ever considers the annual ‘best of’ lists put out by local newspapers, Aunt Roz crossed her arms and scowled. “I don’t trust those lists. All the restaurants are on the east side, and I would never cross the river for anything other than Blazers box seats. That said, after Jake’s I will sometimes treat myself to a bacon donut from Voodoo.“