Kettle And Intel Merge, Forming Massive Oregon Chip Conglomerate

Two of Oregon’s most well-known companies wasted no time in grabbing the first major local headline of 2020. With an auditorium packed with journalists, tech enthusiasts and foodies, leaders from Intel and Kettle Brand made an announcement that is already sending shockwaves through the food and computing industries. Salem-based Kettle, who is the country’s largest manufacturer of natural potato chips has negotiated to merge with Hillsboro-headquartered Intel, the world’s second largest producer of semiconductor chips. This move creates a massive, unrivaled chip manufacturing juggernaut right here in Oregon.⁣
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“Thanks to Moore’s law, computer chips keep getting cheaper yet more powerful every year,” explained Intel CEO Bob Swan. “Kettle has really streamlined the chip-making supply chain. Their ability to produce chips by the bagful and sell for a reasonable price is just what we needed to take Intel to the next level and remain competitive.“⁣
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Kettle’s leadership feel similarly bullish on the new opportunities this merger provides. “We’re always trying out new flavors,” said company CEO Paul Davis. “We’re really excited to add ‘Microchip’ to our unique line which also includes Buffalo Bleu and Pepperoncini. It’s got the processing power to give you that extra burst of energy, and we’re sure people are going to love that new tech smell when they open the bag.“⁣
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Some opponents of the merger cite existing antitrust laws, and are threatening to appeal to the Federal Trade Commission. Whether these threats turn into appeals remains to be seen. For now all we can do is salivate over what is surely Oregon’s zestiest merger in history.⁣