Jesus, Born 1900 Years Before Invention Of Automobile, Doesn’t Know What To Do With Wheel And Really Wishes You Hadn’t Dragged Him Into This Mess

A forlorn Carrie Underwood cried out for Jesus to take the wheel of her 1997 Pontiac early Saturday morning. Jesus, who was born in the first century, explained to Underwood that people in Galilee preferred travel via donkey, camel, or foot, and that he had absolutely no idea how to drive a fucking car. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Jesus also noted that he prefers to answer the calls from celebrity athletes over musicians “I’m a busy guy! I’ve got touchdown passes to help catch and buzzer beating three-pointers to clinch” remarked Mister Christ “you see @damianlillard last year in the playoffs? that was alll me. I’ve got no time for helpless American Idol winners.” ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
*Note: Mister Christ wanted us to make sure that Kanye is still cool in his good book and that he appreciates the all-caps JESUS IS KING tribute album. ⁣
⁣